5 years of pain

Boat ride on the Sea of Galilee

Today marks exactly 5 years since I woke up from a stomach surgery in the extreme pain that has been a constant in my life since Dec. 20, 2006. One fourth of my life I have now spent in this pain. It has been something that I have let define who I am and what I do. But no longer.

I posted while still in Israel about that transformation that happened to my outlook on life while at the Sea of Galilee. That experience has dramatically changed how I view my pain. Over the past five months abroad, and especially in our last month in Israel, the Lord has shown me how much I can do (despite but sometimes because of my pain), as long as I put my trust in Him. This pain no longer has to be a burden, but a tool used by God. It forces me to put my faith in Him day in and day out in order to survive, an extremely humbling new way of life for me. It is still a process, but I know I'm beginning to finally point my life back in the right direction, towards Christ my King and Savior.

Normally on this day of the year I would mope around and think about how depressed I am or how much I think my life sucks, but not this year! I get to go down to Newport to see my best friends and have a giant Christmas Party will all of my Westmont friends that live anywhere near here.

GOD IS SO GOOD!

This is my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flame

I will bring praise, I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain
I will rejoice, I will declare
God is my victory and He is here

Death by salt

Adventure day!

We started our day with an early morning (not sunrise :/) climb up the cliffs of Masada! This didn't kill us, but it came close. Some of the guys decided to race up the hill to the top, and they collapsed a little more than half way up. I think my professor actually made it up the highest with a constant stride, and he's not exactly what you would call 'young'.

From the top we had spectacular view of the Dead Sea and all the way into Jordan! I didn't realize how high we actually were until I saw people down below. They didn't look like the size of ants, they looked like the size of the tiny crumbs ants carry! 

Next we drove to the Dead Sea, and this was just bad news. So normally the Dead Sea is perfectly still and actually reflects the mountains beyond it and is all around peaceful and calm to float in. No, not today. The winds were so intense that they were causing surfable waves to crash on the shore. We didn't exactly pay attention to the "DO NOT SWIM PAST THIS SIGN" warning, so we walked right past it to find the mud. After we smeared the black mud on our skin, we one by one got in the water. We were instructed to NOT get our faces wet because that much salt in our eyes would be the worst thing ever. I was one of the first in the water and we were floating around all calm and yelling how cool it was and for everybody to get in. Just when most of the group is in the water, the winds and currents pick up again and the extremely salty water starts to splash everywhere, mainly directly into our eyes. What started out as being a pleasant beach day quickly escalated to the scene from Titanic when everybody is screaming in the water. Nobody could see a thing as we were attempting to swim back to the shore blind without getting anymore salt in our eyes. Titanic then evolved into Saving Private Ryan trying to get back onto the beach. We were crawling on all fours and clinging to rocks for dear life as the waves crashed on us. When I finally got out, I remember looking back and seeing Charlotte pulling Jenny our of the water, both crying. Charlotte was pouring water into Jennys eyes and her own eyes trying to see. Bry's entire leg was bleeding, so were some other people's. Colby was acting as a medic, dressing peoples wounds and pouring rubbing alcohol on them (causing even more pain). I tried my best to go back in the water (once I could see again) to pull girls out of the rocks trying to not think about the pain in my own bleeding feet. I guess we should have payed attention to the sign telling us not to swim there. I think there was much easier access in the designated spot. I have to say that I've never had that much fun while being in that much agony! I wasn't able to take any pictures during the chaos, but here are some pictures just before:

Even though the Dead Sea was painful and complete madness, it was still one of the most entertaining and fun moments we've had on this trip as a group! I was completely weightless in that water floating around (before the waves) and it really was nice! Plus the black mud has all of these minerals in it made my skin softer than it's probably ever been.

We then went to the springs at Ein Gedi. These were much more refreshing than the Dead Sea! We swam around and stood under waterfalls. It was almost polar opposite to earlier in the day. 

We ended our adventure day at Qumran! I have been looking forward to see where the Dead Sea Scrolls were found for so long, and today it finally happened! It was even cooler than I imagined it, and I can't wait to go see the scrolls this weekend here in Jerusalem. We're now back in Jerusalem after our 5 day road trip around southern Israel. We're here for about a week and then we do another week long road trip to Nazareth and the northern country! 

athens airport

So I’m sitting in the Athens airport, mind racing with excitement! I found out that there’s free internet here, so I thought I’d write an entry about how freaking pumped I am! AHHH! I have been sitting in the lobby of our hotel for most of the day reading our Israel book and waiting to leave (we got kicked out of our rooms at noon checkout). Those hours were some of the longest of my life! As the clock ticked towards our 7:15pm hotel departure, the excitement in the lobby began to build and build. An extreme sense of euphoria hit us as we lugged out bags to the bus waiting down the street and drove to the Athens airport. That bus ride was probably the most lively journey we’ve had yet, nobody could stay in their seats due to pure excitement! 

This airport is almost completely empty! It’s crazy! Growing up with LAX, I don’t think I’ve ever seen an airport this deserted at any time of the night (it’s only 9:00!) Security was smooth and now we’ve taken over the entire gate and are giddy with excitement. Then everybody found out about the internet and entered into their own little worlds on laptops and iPhones (guilty as charged). 

I’m trying to put into words right now how I feel about this day finally arriving. I’ve been waiting for this day for almost a year, since our first informational meeting at the Kihlstrom’s house (the professor husband and wife with us). Israel was the selling point for me to come on this trip. For years my mom has told me that Israel was by far the best and most spiritually moving part of her Euro Semester with Westmont in ’79. I am so ready to see what God has planned for me this month in the Holy Land. I know I He is going to show me some amazing but challenging sights. We received our tentative schedule for the month today and I can’t believe this is about to happen! The last two mornings we have had lectures on the Israeli-Palestine conflict, and I can’t wait to learn so much more about it, there! This might be what I’m doing for the rest of my life. My plan right now is to learn Arabic, and hopefully come back here soon to learn it more on sight. This next month is going to be some what of a testing ground for that plan! 

Well, I assume we’re going to be boarding soon! We arrive in Tel Aviv around 1am, then go through crazy Israeli customs (God only knows how long that’s going to take). After that it’s an hour drive from Tel Aviv to Jerusalem. We didn’t book any hotel rooms for tonight since we’re getting in so late/early, so we’re going to play it by year when we get there. We’re hoping we can crash at Jerusalem University College (JUC), our home base for the month. It’s going to be a long night, but so worth it! 

Leaving Europe

Belgium

Just like when I was leaving Scotland, I write now during the final moments in Europe. In a few hours we will leave for the airport to fly to ISRAEL!! I’m so excited to be finally reaching the destination that I have been most excited for, but it’s a mixed feeling because we’re about to begin the final chapter of this life changing semester abroad. The dynamics of the trip are about to dramatically change as we enter the Middle East. We won’t be in a new city and new country every few days, but instead be living in Jerusalem for an entire month, we day and overnight trips throughout Israel and Palestine. SO STOKED!

Vatican

But at the same time it’s sad leaving Europe. I will never forget the last three or so months of the semester. 10 countries and 34 cities… in a single day we had breakfast in Poland, lunch in the Czech Republic, and dinner in Austria. God only knows how many cathedrals and castles we’ve been through! I want to somehow calculate how many hours we’ve spent on buses, but part of me never wants to know the exact numbers. 

Berlin

Favorites. I think Berlin was my favorite big city. There’s just something about it that really attracts me to it! I thought I would hate it because of it’s Nazi past, but the city has somehow redeemed itself. A close second would be Roma. I wasn’t a fan of Rome the first time I went, but this time around I had so much fun! Florence is still my favorite city in Europe, it’s perfect. Sienna was my favorite small town we went to, it’s Tuscan beauty is astonishing. The Germans and Italians were my favorite people too, and the French sucked. 

Paris

One of the moments that I know I will never in my life forget was when I stood on the sand of Omaha Beach in Normandy. We had just come from the American Cemetery, and I was filled with a sense of patriotism, grief, and humility. I will also never forget the feeling I had at the three concentration camps we visited: Sachsenhausen, Theresienstadt, and Auschwitz.  

Normandy

I've now tasted something like 43 new beers (I'm keeping track) and my goal is to hit 50 in Israel! Thanks to Gabe, I now have a new appreciation for art. We've studied art across the eras from Byzantine to Post-Modern. It's been a roller coaster ride through art gallery after gallery, sometimes I would hate it, but most of the time I loved it! I have a new favorite artist, Casper David Friedrich. He's a German Romantic painter his spiritual landscapes are life changing! Here's one of his most controversial: 

Dresden

Well it's transition time again. We have a late night flight from Athens to Tel Aviv, arriving around 1am. A few hours through crazy Israeli customs, then an hour bus drive to Jerusalem. Apparently we don't have a hotel booked for tonight, so we're going to crash on some couches at Jerusalem University College, our main hub for the month. I can't believe that this day has finally arrived! Israel, here I come! 

Areopagus

Looking down towards Mars Hill from the Acropolis 

As we move East, I am entering more and more into the lands of the Bible. In Rome, we saw the prison where Peter and Paul were held. Yesterday in Athens a group of us walked to Areopagus, now known as Mars Hill. It's a giant marble rock where the philosophers of Bible time Greece would meet, philosophize and judge. Paul was brought there and he preached the good news of Jesus Christ in Acts 17:16-34 (below). We had an awesome and moving moment when we read the story while atop the hill! This was just a taste of what is going to happen next month in Israel! 

Mars Hill has an amazing view of the Acropolis 

Acts 17:16-34

In Athens

 ¹⁶ While Paul was waiting for them in Athens, he was greatly distressed to see that the city was full of idols. ¹⁷ So he reasoned in the synagogue with both Jews and God-fearing Greeks, as well as in the marketplace day by day with those who happened to be there. ¹⁸ A group of Epicurean and Stoic philosophers began to debate with him. Some of them asked, “What is this babbler trying to say?” Others remarked, “He seems to be advocating foreign gods.” They said this because Paul was preaching the good news about Jesus and the resurrection. ¹⁹ Then they took him and brought him to a meeting of the Areopagus, where they said to him, “May we know what this new teaching is that you are presenting? ²⁰ You are bringing some strange ideas to our ears, and we would like to know what they mean.” ²¹ (All the Athenians and the foreigners who lived there spent their time doing nothing but talking about and listening to the latest ideas.)

 ²² Paul then stood up in the meeting of the Areopagus and said: “People of Athens! I see that in every way you are very religious. ²³ For as I walked around and looked carefully at your objects of worship, I even found an altar with this inscription: TO AN UNKNOWN GOD. So you are ignorant of the very thing you worship—and this is what I am going to proclaim to you.

 ²⁴ “The God who made the world and everything in it is the Lord of heaven and earth and does not live in temples built by human hands. ²⁵And he is not served by human hands, as if he needed anything. Rather, he himself gives everyone life and breath and everything else. ²⁶ From one man he made all the nations, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and he marked out their appointed times in history and the boundaries of their lands. ²⁷ God did this so that they would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from any one of us. ²⁸ ‘For in him we live and move and have our being.’^[b] As some of your own poets have said, ‘We are his offspring.’^[c]

 ²⁹ “Therefore since we are God’s offspring, we should not think that the divine being is like gold or silver or stone—an image made by human design and skill. ³⁰ In the past God overlooked such ignorance, but now he commands all people everywhere to repent. ³¹ For he has set a day when he will judge the world with justice by the man he has appointed. He has given proof of this to everyone by raising him from the dead.”

 ³² When they heard about the resurrection of the dead, some of them sneered, but others said, “We want to hear you again on this subject.” ³³At that, Paul left the Council. ³⁴ Some of the people became followers of Paul and believed. Among them was Dionysius, a member of the Areopagus, also a woman named Damaris, and a number of others.

apple

My dad worked for Apple for most of my early childhood. My oldest memories usually involve me playing with some of the original Apple PCs that my dad would bring home. As my sister Annalise put it, we learned how to type on a mac before we learned how to write. I was saddened with the news of Steve Job's death this morning. My friend Nick a few rooms down woke me this morning up screaming what had happened. The following is what my dad had to say about it:

Steve Jobs; visionary, revolutionary and driving force to create "Insanely Great" products. At Apple he exposed us to the finest things ever produced in order to inspire us to achieve things that went beyond just functional. Working at Apple during the first Jobs era early in my career drastically elevated my personal and professional standards of excellence. Well done Steve.

I later asked my dad what it was like to interact with Steve when they met on multiple occasions:

Yes, the impression he left on me was that he was a man who was determined and was a man of action. Talking with him or interacting with him was intense. He knew what he wanted and only spent enough time with you so you could get on board with him. Steve was probably different with friends but with those who worked for him he was all business and didn't waste any time with things that didn't matter.

It was as if he didn't think he had enough time in his life to do everything so he concentrated on the things most important to him. He did die young, but not that young. However he did seem to live like every day might be his last. I guess intensity was the general impression he left on me. I was 28 or so when I joined Apple and not very mature so I enjoyed Apple for all the good times it provided. Steve was 21 when he started Apple I think and I believe he matured very early. Kind of skipped his late teens and all of his 20's and went right into his 30's. 

Auschwitz: does God end here?

I don’t intend on posting many pictures of our visit to Auschwitz. Looking through them, I’ve realized that you cannot possibly get a sense of what it was like through images. They don’t do the unimaginable tragedy justice. I’ve talked with a few other photographers on this trip, and we’ve decided to be very selective about the pictures we post from that day. Most would be from the outside of the camps.

We visited two of the three camps collectively known as Auschwitz. First was Auschwitz II Birkenau, the death camp. This is the camp that most people think of when talking about Auschwitz. Visiting it was one of the most difficult moments of my life. We walked through the iconic gates and I stood in horror looking at the rows and rows of barracks surrounding me. It was a “perfect”, hot, sunny day. Gabriel led us through the barracks and train tracks, telling us stories of a few individual victims. We ended the morning at the gas chambers and crematoriums. The Nazi’s collapsed them before they fled to cover up their crimes, but you can still clearly see what they were. Gabriel talked us through the horrific details (that I’m not going to go into) of the Nazi’s process of mass extermination. From there we walked to a small memorial with plaques in every language spoken by those murdered at Auschwitz II Birkenau. 

This is the moment I completely lost it. It’s been said that the survivors of this terrible place lost their faith in God, and their faith in mankind. It was then that I understood why. It was then that i started to question my own faith in God, and my own faith in humanity. I wrote in my journal when we got on the bus for lunch: “I woke up this morning knowing in my heart that mankind is essentially good (but corruptible by Satan)… by 1pm I don’t think I can honestly believe that any more.” What I was thinking terrified me. I was questioning my faith in humanity, but I was also questioning my faith in God. I’ve worked a lot of this out in the days following Auschwitz, but it is still something that is deeply troubling me. The question that inevitably comes from visiting this place is “where was God??”

After a traditional Polish lunch, we drove to Auschwitz I. This is the concentration camp that existed long before the extermination camp was built. I didn’t think this part could be any more difficult than my morning at Birkenau, but I was wrong. We were lead around my Gabriel’s friend that only spoke German (Gabe translated). Since he is the only German speaking tour guide there, he does a lot of tours for former guards and Germans with family stories. Auschwitz I has all of the belongings that the Nazi’s took from the Jews. There were two things I saw in the course of ten minutes that I will never, ever forget. They will honestly haunt me until the day I die. The first sight was the seven tons of human hair. Just before (or sometimes just after) they exterminated the Jews, the Nazi’s would shave their heads. The hair was sold to industries in Germany to make carpet and socks… appalling. When the Nazis fled the camp in 1945, they left bags and bags of it. The hair that started off all different colors has now turned either brown or grey. Tragically, it is also quickly decaying. Within twenty years it will all be dust. The second sight that will haunt me was around 50,000 shoes (25k pairs) in one room, placed in small mountain sized piles on both sides. The real shock came when we were told that these represented only 4% of the victims of Auschwitz I and II. It hit me like a train the enormous scale of this genocide. 

The day I visited Auschwitz will be a day I will never forget. 30 September 2011 will always be in my mind. It was one of the most difficult and challenging days of my life, but I have already grown from it. Visiting that place is something everybody needs to do once in their lifetimes. It’s one thing to see pictures and video, it’s completely different seeing it in person. There is so much more that I’ve gotten from that one day, it wouldn’t be possible to ever explain it all. Maybe I’ll post more after I’ve processed this over some time. I don’t think I’ll ever stop processing that place. 

legacies

Matt Johnson, Charlotte Bryant, Sydney Vincent, Erica Guzman and me

The five of us share a very special connection: all of our parents went to Westmont together, and were (and still are) good friends. Now, 30 years later, the five of us are at Westmont together and are good friends! It's so awesome knowing that we will probably stay connected and close friends through the years like our parents have. 

reflecting still

So I'm still processing today, it's been an emotional roller coaster. After watching the Ground Zero Ceremony this afternoon, I decided to take a walk around Bruges to process my thoughts. I walked along the banks of the canals that run through the city, wishing I was in America for the first time since I left. I've never wanted to be back in the States more. Just then, I turned a corner and saw this...

This was EXACTLY what I needed to see. I little piece of home, hanging from a random house in Bruges. I was tempted to knock on the door, but I decided against it. I've been thinking the past few days about what it means to be an American. More importantly, I've been reflecting on what it means to be a Christian born in America. Finally, I've been thinking about what it means to be an American Christian, living and traveling abroad. 


I've come to the conclusion that I'm both an ambassador for Christ, and an ambassador for America. I simultaneously represent two of the most important parts of who I am, where ever I am. America truly is the last, best hope on Earth. Not just politically, but spiritually too. I've seen first hand how the faith of Europe is eroding to almost nothing. (Interesting side note, the European states that are still actively religious are Catholic, the Protestant countries' faith fell a long time ago.) Where ever I go in Europe, I want to leave an 'unusual' impression on everyone I meet. Instead of being just another American pissing somebody off, I want to be somebody who preaches with my actions. I don't know if this makes any sense, just my notion for the day. 


Peace Bruges... Amsterdam in the morning! 

'A great people has been moved to defend a great nation'

It has been a full decade since that horrible morning. For me, it has been half a lifetime. I was only ten years old that day, and the second half of my life so far has been directly shaped by the September 11, 2001 attacks. I will never forget that morning. Waking up to the sound of my parents worried voices, I went up to the kitchen and saw what was happening on the television. I don’t have many clear memories from that age, but I have no trouble recalling exactly what I saw early that Tuesday. I had walked into the room shortly after the second tower was struck. At first glance, I remember thinking some building in New York was on fire. I was told what was happening, and I watched in horror as the towers fell. I remember my parents explaining to my sisters and me what it meant. I understood. I doubt many my age understood as well as I did. Even at that young age, I was extremely conscious of the global realm. I was already much more politically aware than my peers.

America was under attack, that much was certain to everyone that morning. By nightfall, the entire world had changed in a just a few chaotic hours. 

“Tonight, we are a country awakened to danger and called to defend freedom. Our grief has turned to anger and anger to resolution. Whether we bring our enemies to justice or bring justice to our enemies, justice will be done.” President George W. Bush

Over the past few weeks, I have watched hours of footage from the attacks, reviewed countless articles written over the past decade, and watched dozens of speeches made by political figures all over the world reacting to September 11, 2001. I clearly remember watching President Bush’s speech to a joint session of Congress on September 20, but I watched it again in full for the first time recently. I understand now, more than ever, what he was trying to convey to the American people and to the world that night. George W. Bush stepped up like so many who have held his office have done in times of great tragedy. But unlike many before him, there was a much greater sense of emotion radiating out of him. Still a new president, Bush wore his anger on his sleeves for the world to see. The American people were fired up, and so was he. Instead of keeping his cool and being the collected and clearheaded leader that many presidents before him have been, he was leading the charge for revenge. Many have condemned him for this, but I commend him. This was the leader that America needed. America was rallying together, but she needed someone to rally around. For many, Bush was that man. For me, he still is. 

“Great harm has been done to us. We have suffered great loss. And in our grief and anger we have found our mission and our moment.

Freedom and fear are at war. The advance of human freedom, the great achievement of our time and the great hope of every time, now depends on us.
Our nation, this generation, will lift the dark threat of violence from our people and our future. We will rally the world to this cause by our efforts, by our courage. We will not tire, we will not falter and we will not fail.” President George W. Bush

Post 9/11 Youth

That part of President Bush’s speech stuck with me for the years following 2001. The more I learned and grew, the more I understood W’s call. My generation has only ever really known a post 9/11 world. Before 2001, I knew little of the world outside my home (yet still more than most my age); but after that year, I started to learn. All the knowledge I have acquired has been through a post 9/11 filter. I do not know what Washington was like before the attacks. I do not know what the United Nations, European Union, NATO… were like in the late 20th century. I have read about them sure, but I never experienced a world not affected by September 11th. 

Everything I have studied this past decade, from elementary school to undergraduate, has been influenced by a post 9/11 worldview. Quotes from President Bush’s speeches on September 11th and 20th became comparable with great speeches of American history. He was joined on the speech wall in my 9th grade history class with the likes of Kennedy, Roosevelt, King, Jefferson, etc. I sometimes wonder what my education would have been like if 9/11 had never happened. Then again, I sometimes wonder what the entire world would have been like. 

The years following 2001 were filled with the constant fear of another attack. My parents generation feared an attack from the Soviets, their parents feared an attack from the Nazis, my generation feared an attack from the unknown. All I knew was that there were men in caves in a far away desert that wanted to kill Americans. That’s not the best atmosphere for a kid to grow up in, if you ask me. I, like many of my 4th grade friends, wanted to grow up and do something about those evil men. We envisioned our lives as soldiers or ‘important American adults‘ (I guess you could compare that to politicians) that hunted them down and made America safe. I think I am the only one that still does. The threat eventually faded, though never disappeared completely. My peers went on with their lives, they went back to wanting to be doctors, astronauts, rock stars or whatever normal pre-teens want to be when the grow up. My mind never changed.

“These terrorists kill not merely to end lives, but to disrupt and end a way of life. With every atrocity, they hope that America grows fearful, retreating from the world and forsaking our friends. They stand against us because we stand in their way. 

We're not deceived by their pretenses to piety.
We have seen their kind before. They're the heirs of all the murderous ideologies of the 20th century. By sacrificing human life to serve their radical visions, by abandoning every value except the will to power, they follow in the path of fascism, Nazism and totalitarianism. And they will follow that path all the way to where it ends in history's unmarked grave of discarded lies.” President George W. Bush

Post 9/11 Future

If it weren’t for my back injury, I would have enlisted directly into the Armed Forces or went to a military academy following high school (despite my mother nearly forbidding it). Instead, I’m at Westmont and not West Point. Yet my future has been more intertwined with the future of America than most my age. At twenty, I feel almost alone among my peers in my passion for America, for her principles and for her people.

I look at the photographs and video taken that morning, and I feel both anger, and patriotism. I love this country, not in some “wrap my flag around myself” patriotism (though I do enjoy occasionally doing that), but patriotism in that I would do anything for the United States. The anger I feel is for the loss of my countrymen, I mourn for them daily. I refuse to sit around and watch the world collapse around me. And if my path isn’t to put my life on the line to protect Americans, either at home or abroad, then my path is somewhere else. God has a great plan for my life, and I will let him use me in any way possible. I might end up in Washington, or I might end up in a far off country. I could be an important ambassador, or a seemingly insignificant traveler, helping kids one by one in Africa or Bangladesh. No matter where I’m led, I know that I will forever be an ambassador of Christ, and of America.

In Memoriam

Today I remember the 2,977 innocent killed that Tuesday morning, a decade ago. I remember the 40 courageous passengers and crew on United Flight 93 that saved an untold number of lives in Washington. I remember those left without parents, children, or loved ones as night fell on September 11, 2001. 

Today I thank every single man and woman who has risked their life in the Middle East. I mourn the victorious dead, knowing that they have not died in vein. I thank President George W. Bush. No matter what criticism is said about him now, history will judge him as a brave president who did what was right in order to protect lives. The fact is, a decade has passed and no further attack has been made on American soil. I also thank President Obama. He has continued where Bush left off, and for that I commend him. Obama too has continued to keep America safe. Over the past decade, dozens of potential deadly attacks have been thwarted due to the policies both presidents put in motion. 

Today I pray for America, and for our world. I pray for safety, and I pray that God’s work is done. I pray that my life, and the lives of others, will be used by God to bring real change to our nation and to our world. I pray for peace, and I pray for compassion. I pray that in a time that seems hopeless for many, hope and joy can be found. I pray for a blessing on the United States of America. May she forever be the land of the free, and the home of the brave. I pray that the United States of America will always remain, One Nation Under God.

President Bush speech from the Oval Office - September 11, 2001
President Bush speech to Congress (highlights) - September 20, 2001
Full news coverage from the morning of 9/11
BBC recap of global day of reflection - September 14, 2001
Time interview with George W. Bush - 2011

the best 31 days of my life

Well, this is it. I’m sitting in Glasgow Central Station getting ready to board a train that will sadly take me out of the great Kingdom of Scotland. I can easily say that these past 31 days have been the best of my life thus far. I have seen sights and met people that I will never forget. Every single day was packed with adventures. Even the few days when I had to buckle down and do homework most of the day, doing homework in Scotland is still more fun that doing it in California. 

I have never been more proud to be Scottish. My proudest moment came at the Salvation Army in Glasgow with a very old women that remembers my family since the early 1900s. She told me that it brought her “such joy” that there were still members of my family living in this world, even if we’re not in Scotland anymore. I also was honored to meet my great grandfather’s cousin, Lily. 

I’m also proud of the history of Scotland, especially the history that my ancient ancestors were involved in. I’ve always love studying American history, but it’s different since I don’t think anyone in my family came to the USA before the early 1900s. While US history is a part of my history as an American, it’s not exactly a part of my family story. Where as the Scottish Wars of Independence, I know my ancestors in the MacFarlane Clan fought in those wars and others. I love America and everything she stands for, but I feel a different kind of connection to Scotland. Scotland is in my blood.

That’s why one of the most meaningful days of this trip was spent walking through the pass between Loch Lomond and Loch Long. Those were the old clan lands for hundreds of years. My ancestors lived and died for those lands. Being there, I could physically feel a connection to my forefathers. Their blood runs through my veins. We stumbled upon an old Clan MacFarlane Kirk and graveyard on the banks of Loch Long. I stood above the graves of my ancient chiefs, proud that I still resemble them. I’ve never disliked being a ginger, but I have occasionally felt out of place, not here. I am honored to have red hair and honored to pass on the traits that have been passed down to me by generations of Scots.

Seeing the isle of Skye was also a highlight of this adventure. I’ve seen pictures of it for years, and it surpassed every expectation I had. I can’t wait to go back and explore more of it; my dream would be to one day walk it. In fact, my dream is just to walk Scotland in general. The entire country is mapped out in trails that run up and down the coasts, zig zag through the highlands and lowlands, cutting through every hill and glen in between. If I was healthy enough, I’d walk this entire country. If I am ever healed of this back pain, the first thing I will do is fly back out here. It would just be me alone with God for a year, walking where ever He takes me. 

My faith has definitely been tested and strengthened this month. With my ever present back pain, I knew before leaving that this trip wouldn’t be possible on my own strength. It’s only been through Gods grace that’s I’ve been able to push through my pain and not let it stop me appreciating my homeland. At every corner I’ve had to fall back on Him to get through each day. He has been faithful on this trip even when I wasn’t. About half way through, while in Inverness, I was beginning to think I could do this trip on my own. I was getting too confident on my own strength and I was paying for it. My pain was getting worse and I was questioning how I was ever going to get through the next few weeks, let alone the next four months in Europe. That’s when I got an email from Westmont saying the live worship CD from our Chapel Band was out to buy online. I downloaded it and listened to it repeatedly on the long train from Inverness down to Stirling. It was the humbling experience that I desperately needed. There’s something extra special too about hearing my friends sing worship. The song that spoke to me the most was Healer, sung by my friend Jasmine Guerrero. It was exactly what I needed to hear, sung by my favorite person at Westmont. 

My sister Janelle was also a huge blessing on this trip. She hans’t let me put any pictures of her on my blog, but she has been with me basically every step up the way. I was sad to see her go on Wednesday, she was the extra motivation I always needed. Occasionally I got frustrated with her because she likes to really take her time getting to places, but I really appreciate that now. It forced me to slow down and take in my surroundings. I’m so grateful I got to spend this much time with her! She lives in San Francisco now, and I don’t think we’ve ever spent more than the few weekends I’ve visited SF alone with her! We defiantly bonded and grew a lot closer as brother and sister. That might be the longest impact of this trip actually, our relationship. 

I’m now on the train back to London (first class, free wifi… booyah!). I’m watching the Scottish countryside fly past me, knowing soon it will be English and not remotely the same. I probably only have an hour or so left. It’s an extremely strange feeling leaving here. First because I’m not on my way home! My trip to Scotland is about to end, but my trip to Europe is still just starting! My semester abroad begins on Friday, and I still have three months of Europe and an entire month of Israel ahead of me! The adventures will continue! 

Secondly, I know that it won’t be very long before I’m back in Scotland. It was almost six years in between my last trip to Scotland and this one. I know that my next journey will come much sooner. I’m leaving this country with an plan to do graduate school here. It’s something that has been on my heart every day here. I figure, if I’m going to study International Relations, why not go international! We visited a handful of Scottish colleges, and I’m confident I’ll be at one of them getting my masters in a few years. St. Andrews University is definitely my first choice, but University of Glasgow is a close second. I’d also consider Aberdeen, Dundee, Stirling, Edinburgh… as long as it’s in Scotland, I’m down.

I guess this concludes my log of Scotland. I am so unbelievably blessed to have journeyed here, I will never forget it. 

“You can take a man out of Scotland, but you can never take Scotland out of a man.”

Cheers Scotland! See you soon

HP7 - the official end to my childhood

Almost exactly two weeks ago, in the extremely early hours of July 15th, 2011, my childhood officially ended. When I walked out of the theater in London having watched the midnight premier of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2, I felt different. Obviously, being almost 20, I haven't been a child for quite a while, but something still changed that morning.

I have been more or less obsessed with Harry Potter since I was 11 years old. I've read the books cover to cover so many times that they are falling apart. I have the movies memorized, and I haven't missed a midnight premier since they started them with the 3rd movie. Some call me crazy and clinging to childhood, but there is something special about this story. I literally grew up with them. I first started reading these books when I was 11 (the same age as Harry in the first book), and I have been roughly Harry's age for every book. I have grown up on the same pace and Harry, Ron and Hermione. It doesn't hurt that I've always pretended to be a Weasley! I am Ron Weasley.

As they grew up, I started growing up. As they realized the horrors and evils of the world around them, I realized the horrors of the world around me! I recently read an article comparing the Harry Potter series and my generation growing up in a post 9/11 world. I was in third grade when the 9/11 attacks tragically happened in New York, and that was the first breaking of innocence in my childhood. The article, which I just tried to find again but couldn't, was written shortly after Bin Laden was killed. It connected Bin Laden with Voldemort and drew multiple erie parallels between the last decade and the decade of Harry Potter.

Erie parallels aside, Harry Potter was the only lasting 'thing' from my childhood. I'm now well into college and choosing a career path, and even contemplating getting my masters degree and political aspirations and whatever else my future might hold. Potter always has been, and will continue to be to a certain extent, my escape from my new adult world back to my childhood. By picking up any of the books to a random page, or turning on one of the movies or audiobooks, I can immediately jump right back into the story like it's the first time I'm reading it.

The books have been an escape for me in some of my most troubled times in my life. I can read the books and forget about my pain and just engulf myself in the magical world. It was a distraction and comfort to me when I was scared, angry, emotional, or just bored. That's the main reason why I cried through basically the entire film. My life is changing now, and a new and exciting chapter in my life is just starting. I'm in Europe, away from any comforts of home (either in PV or in Santa Barbara). I won't be home for almost 6 months, and I'm being forced to mature and become even more independent. Simply put, I'm not a child anymore. As scary as it is to admit it to myself, I'm an adult!

Even though I'm becoming an adult, the Harry Potter series will have a lasting impression on me for the rest of my life. It helped shape me into who I am today. I wish I could thank J.K. Rowling personally, but I know she's gotten the message already from thousands of fans just like me. I should probably write her (note to self: write J.K. Rowling thanking her while still in Scotland). I will forever be grateful to her, and to the magical world she created!

Hogwarts will always be there to welcome me home

visiting Westmont

John C. Page Hall - completely empty except for Shannon and Denz

wesley drove - in Carlitos

empty parking lot - first time ever